Have you ever known anyone whose life completely revolves around them?
These people focus on making themselves look better than everyone else. They are usually very charismatic, so everyone seems to LOVE them. You feel guilty because you can’t seem to like them and wonder if it’s because there is something wrong with you.
If you happen to be a victim of one of these people, you have probably noticed off-handed comments, teasing, sudden anger, or silent treatments without any notice. They always have it better or worse than you, they cannot seem to relate, understand, or offer any empathy toward you in your trials.
Often, toxic people make you feel like YOU are the problem and that you are the cause of all of your problems. But for some reason, they are never the problem in their circumstances. It’s always someone else’s fault for whatever challenge they are struggling with.
This could be your mom, dad, sibling, relative, co-worker, boss, church member, or friend.
Being around these toxic people leaves you exhausted while doubting your confidence and wondering what is wrong with you.
I had a “friend” who was properly diagnosed with malignant narcissistic personality disorder. Getting this diagnosis was tricky, but the Lord provided this much-needed answer for me as I had lived with this abuse for over 12 years.
The abuse made me feel completely unworthy of being a good friend, daughter, mother, wife. I questioned everything about myself; every action, thought, and step I took felt under scrutiny.
I would dread answering the phone or looking at my texts, but I would be in trouble if I didn’t respond.
When I’d get off the phone or in the middle of a texting conversation with this person, I get agitated and anxious. This would leave me with very little energy to parent well. I’d usually end up lashing out at my children just to find relief from the pent-up negative emotions from dealing with the toxicity.
My life coach once explained my negative reactions to this person like this, “Whenever you are around a toxic person, it’s like drinking poison; after you are around it, you have to detox, and the detoxing process is ugly.”
When I ended my interactions with the person, I was emotionally detoxing, and the detox was hurting my relationship with my children. Something had to change, and the abuser was never going to.
Long story short, I began learning about toxic people and learned how to interact in ways that would protect me. I learned how to set up boundaries and started working on healing the brokenness that had happened from the years of abuse.
Thankfully, the Lord helped me to facilitate ending that relationship, but I am still working through some of the trauma responses and thought patterns I have from the abuse. It may take a lifetime, but at least now, I am finally free of future abuse.
The Lord has been able to restore my confidence and use my trials as a way to light the path of healing for others. In this blog, I have some very helpful resources to get you started on the journey of healing from abuse from toxic people.
I have been able to forgive my abuser fully, and I pray that they are in Heaven so that I can run to them, hug them, and be thankful that they are free from their disorder.
Personality disorders need to be diagnosed by a therapist.
If, as you have been reading this, you have thought about someone in your life who makes you feel like this, then you are likely dealing with a toxic person. They may or may not have a personality disorder like borderline, narcissistic personality disorder, or one of many others.
Unless you are a licensed therapist with the right credentials, you are not qualified to diagnose anyone in your life as a narcissist. You should be very careful about labeling anyone as such.
You may find it very helpful to study these disorders and their behaviors because the study of these disorders can help you learn how to navigate almost any toxic relationship.
Going through these materials may stir up many questions, and you may want to navigate deeper into the topic of toxic relationships. That is good! The more you know, the stronger you can get when dealing with these people.
If you are feeling stuck, have questions, and see how the abuse is creating destructive patterns and overwhelming in your life, please book a free call with me so we can talk about how to help you overcome and break free from this abuse.
Below, you will find all the resources I share with my clients while I am coaching them.
My Favorite Resources for Toxic Relationships:
Proverbs 31 Podcasts:
More Thoughts to Help:
There is hope, and I can help you find freedom from destructive behaviors and overwhelm. Book a free call, and let’s talk today!
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